Sex and relationship expert Adreena Winters says a once-taboo kink is quietly helping couples rekindle their intimacy and it’s a lot more common than people think.
The 37-year-old coach from Bristol is on a mission to de-stigmatise cuckolding, a dynamic where one partner, usually the man, watches or knows his partner is sleeping with another man, often referred to as the “bull.”
It’s not exactly dinner-table conversation, but Adreena insists it’s happening more than most people realise. “Odds are your neighbours are already doing it,” she says.
Adreena, who’s written a book titled So You Want to Be a Cuckold?, says the kink is rising in popularity because it forces couples to communicate openly about desire, jealousy and emotional boundaries something many long-term partners quietly avoid.
Cuckolding works because it demands honesty,” she explains. “You can’t fake your way through it. You have to talk about what you actually want in bed.”
The practice takes many forms. Some couples stick to fantasies, dirty talk, or watching content together, while others bring it into the physical world.
In some cases, the partner may watch live, listen from another room, or even just hear the retelling afterward. Adreena says many couples test the waters through online role-play before involving a third person.
There are people who only do it in virtual spaces,” she says, referencing VR platforms and avatar-based games as safe and imaginative ways to explore the dynamic.
Finding the right third person is where many couples hesitate. According to Adreena, couples should avoid choosing someone from their inner circle to keep emotional entanglements at bay.
Meet for a neutral coffee if you want, or keep it purely physical. Just be clear and aligned with your partner,” she advises. Sites like FetLife and niche apps offer places to connect with bulls, but every step should involve mutual agreement, safety, and regular emotional check-ins.
Cuckolding, she adds, isn’t something you jump into during the early stages of a new romance. “It works best when a relationship already has trust, maturity and emotional transparency,” she says.
Introducing the kink too early or during a rough patch can backfire, especially if deeper insecurities are already at play. However, she’s also seen it serve as a transformative experience for couples dealing with infidelity.
For some men, discovering an affair revealed a hidden arousal in jealousy they never knew they had,” she explains. “But it has to be handled with sensitivity and honesty.”
Much of the taboo around cuckolding, Adreena believes, comes from outdated views on masculinity. “We still worship the alpha male ideal. Anything submissive is seen as weakness,” she says.
That fear of appearing ‘less than’ leads many men to keep their desires hidden. Women, too, may stay silent to avoid being labelled unfaithful or greedy. But in her experience, when couples shed the shame, they often come out of it stronger and more connected than ever.
While it remains under the radar, Adreena is confident cuckolding and similar relationship dynamics are far more mainstream than they seem. “I know plenty of people in my own social circle doing it and you probably do too. It’s just not being talked about.”
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